"My Name is Bernard, and I'm at this hospital cause I got sick. 

    You name it, I've had it. 

    Sometimes I have brain tumors.  Sometimes I have heart surgery. 

    Sometimes I have to have leg surgery, sometimes I have tonsillectomies. 

    You name it, I tell you what I've got everything . . .

    I've even got this horrible rare skin disease."

Famous Quotes from Bernard

Bernard and his little Sister, Shelby

"I can't get more than four years old . . .

I only have four fingers."

"You name it, I've got it. 

I've got everything."

I've had pneumonia so long,

they call it old-monia."

"I've had a 'him-e-a'."

Bernard, you mean you had a hernia.

"No mommy, I'm a little boy,

so I had a 'him-e-a'."

"Green is Beautiful!"

"I was lucky to be born

 my favorite color!"

(Children often have to wait a long time before surgery or a procedure.

When this happens, Bernard will often say to the Doctor:)

"Doctor!  I'm being very 'patient' today!"

(Bernard speaking to the kid next to him:)

("That's why they call us patients . . .

cause we HAVE to BE patient!")

Many children ask why Bernard he has a Band-Aid over his eye.

His response is:

"My sister hit me in the eye.

But I did nothing to her first.

No matter what she says, I didn't do it!"

When pressed further, Bernard admits:

"Well, maybe I did pull her hair,

but only a little itty bit!"

"There is no privacy in this place!

Everybody wants to know

if I've peed or poo-pooed!"

"I can't have anything

to eat or drink!!!!!!!!????????

I'm going to call the mayor about that!"

"I had a nose bleed today.

"Bernard, you've had a lot of things,

but you have never had a nose bleed."

"I did too! 

I had a nose bleed today!"

"Bernard, honey, you don't have a nose!"

"Oh yes, that's right."

"I'm in pain, misery, and degradation!"

"Thank you for being with me

during my hour of need."

"You made me happy today!"